Funny Work Quotes & Status Messages

Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.

 

I should get an award for how I’ve managed to not punch you in the face every time I see you.

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

  

is off to work again..why couldn't I have been born rich instead of good looking?

We all have someone at work we make fun of. If you don't, its you.

   

Work until you bank account looks like a phone number.

What’s it called when your hard work doesn’t pay off?

   

If you came to work late, you should at least try to leave it earlier.

   

Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday...

   

Driving to work would be so much better if I didn't always end up at work.

   

At work, when you don't know what to do, just walk fast and look worried.

I just counted 33 things at my work that I could k*ll my boss with.:D

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.    

   

I just love waking up in the middle of the night to realize I still have time to sleep before work..

When you don’t do it, you’re lazy. When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

 

Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.  

I wonder what I did at work before I had and Iphone and Facebook.

Some people pride themselves on their hard work. I pride myself on doing so little and yet keeping my job.

   

Let’s spend countless hours preparing for a meeting that will be delayed, canceled, or misrepresented.

   

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back..

Some people work harder at getting the office temperature right than they do at their actual job.

Congratulations on getting promoted to the job you’re already doing.

When I'm really bored at work I like to write "I'm watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.

   

Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, If you fall asleep at work again you're fired..

 

I think I may have misunderstood my boss when she told me that she loved seeing me hard at work.

In life, opportunities aren't handed out, they are taken.

   

My bed wasn't feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

   

says ..As long as my boss pretends I'm on a good salary, I'll pretend to be working.

   

Hates when customers say "I am never going to shop here again!" when they don't get there way, and then you see their dumb asses in the store the next week..

   

Work is just something I'm doing until I win the lottery.

Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday…